Hillock Infrastructure: The Bench at the Hillock


TheBench@Hillock

The bench that I destroyed on a wild mowing spree, is now propped and primed for another ‘sit-a-spell’ moment to come.4wayBench

It’s been seven years now since the hillock bench was refurbished with new wood and then propped up on a boulder after I ran over one of the beautiful wrought iron legs. Now the treated wood has grown beautiful lichens and taken on the earth’s hue. And the middle board has broken through from all the years of use. It’s time for the powers that be to get more wood milled and holes drilled to replace the weathered and worn.

Meanwhile, there are other ‘sit upons’ nearby for the smaller visitors to The Hillock…Francklin often spots lizards sunning on the cedar relic near the pond. This lizard thinks he’s picked a landing high enough to avoid his 3-year old stalker, Francklin! Little does he realize that Francklin is like a two-pawed centaur when he goes for the high places!

Where’s Lizard?”

HawkPonderings III

Time to give an update on our new ‘spirit animal friend’, HAWK. Many of you have asked how he or she is doing. After two days in a row of being ‘visited’ by our new bold friend, we have walked around that bend of the meadow, with great anticipation, searching eyes and soul. This area is near the creek bend and the ‘wannabe’ pond which has become more of Atticus Dog’s MudMessAboutMarsh! We have not have any earth floor visits by our HawkFriend, yet I’m always aware of two beautiful highflying ones in the blue sky nearby.

I was grateful to hear from my birding guru, Pam Diamond, who checked with her hawk gurus, facts about hawks that make me think it was ‘mantling’ when it lifted his wings like in the first picture. They apparently do this when they are ‘protecting a hunt’ or ‘territory’. Both of these things really fit what this beauty was doing. The first day it literally SWOOPED down and PLOPPED right in front of our two dogs and took its STANCE with shoulders lifted and wings fanned.

The other fact I learned through her from her friends, (Thank you Hawk Gurus!) is that for the other possibility of its being injured: If it were injured and left there, it wouldn’t survive for more than a few days. If that had been the case, I think we would have found some clues of decay smells, feathers or something. We really LOOKED. And better than that! our two dogs would have sniffed him out. So I’m relieved to go with the guru’s first scenario, along with OF COURSE, the spiritual symbolism of its visit! This brings me to what I wrote before about what I think this amazing creature is bringing up for me to learn in my life!

So here flows what I’m hearing from this bold bird’s whispers: • take your stance • listen to your pain in your shoulders, your spine, your neck • your pain is telling you that you need to ready your wings to fly (and maybe change where you do your writing!) • being ready includes this moment in time when you take your stands and grow roots that will sustain you even in the sky • then you can rise above the details, the stuff in your life that is holding you down • as you heal your own wings and all spine and muscle that hold them, you will fly beyond the small wonders that you love. • your vision will widen to include all you need to see next • from this point you will see all points and your heart will know and show you your focus • as you fly you will also see more intense pain and suffering in the world. • to keep focusing and flying over and through all this will take discipline, for you must keep your own creative core strong. • this is when you will need a strong gathering of support and encouragement, including some that is bold and blunt. • take this support and fly with it, always knowing that you have your nest to catch you and renew you. • for you are always held in the air and on the ground by breath of Life itself! • stay aware and concerned for all of Life and also know that It is Held, as am I, the hawk.

I went back to the meadow on day three at the same time to see if the hawk was present on the ground. I didn’t see it but did see on the periphery as I headed that way, a hawk flying in the sky. Within no time, it crossed the meadow sky until she was flying overhead. It continued circling and reappearing as long as I was on that corner of the meadow. Why, I don’t know for sure. What I DO know is that my inner response hasn’t gone but has grown instead.

The Search…The Find

As I begin each day, I awaken with a body that house memories of all that has gone before and thankfully an openness to possibilities yet unknown. In the midst of this, is usually the presence of chronic pain, figments of fatigue and of course fabricated fears that want to cling and tag along on my journey. Yet the most exciting thing about ‘waking up’ that thankfully supersedes all others is the anticipation of the Unknown! The wonder of alluring Adventure! The trust in the Unseen. And the faith that accompanies meeting Challenge. I’m invited to discover the Treasures that are hidden in THIS DAY!

Today I’m grateful for the memories, that even Facebook helps bring to fore as it did today. This picture greeted me through the algorithmic mystery wires. It reminds me that even this little guy found what he was searching for, the answer to his question about what was making the “Jingle in My Pocket.”

And then flashed into my head that even the “Twigs at Twilight: In Search of Lacey Leaf” found their lost friend!

And now, though it took 7 years, “Martha Julia Agnes Adele” was helped by her newfound friends to not only find the shoe she lost when she tripped and fell at The Hillock! but also to discover that she had learned something that she hadn’t realized before.

And for all these characters, the elation experienced at the moment of ‘the Find” is only as intensely wonderful as the searching journey itself! So today, I’m grateful to be continuing on ‘the Search’ no matter what I find along the way! And, like Martha Julia Agnes Adele, sometimes the treasure I think might be the treasure, is only a goal that moves me forward so that I can discover the REAL TREASURES lurking in my shadows and linking also to the search along the way. Like Martha, I may actually LEARN or CONNECT with something to put in my trip bag of Intangibles that empowers my life long journey!!! Those are the Gifts of Gratitude, unsought-for and unexpected!

Here’s one learning that I must internalize over and over. For it fuels my faithfulness even in moments of Loss, Despair, Disillusionment, or DisEase. THIS is worth noting for any Creative using any medium, and that means ALL of US!:

Just after the moment that I accomplish ‘a Find,’ no matter how exciting and satisfying it is….I realize it is quickly followed by that feeling of loss…at least for that moment, I am ‘off the search train’…feeling LOST and bewildered…Now what? This is the time of soul searching, going within, listening, renewing my soul, feeling my pain and fear, building my trust in ‘not knowing what’s next’ and not knowing where my focus needs to lie. THIS is the series of moments where Life will lead me as I flounder, faithfully taking random steps, allowing for trips and falls, and finally realizing that without knowing I have stepped back onto the ‘search train’ or perhaps I never stepped off?

OH! How much I love the ongoing treasure hunt process of LIFE! Maybe this is my ultimate addiction? I don’t know. And even THAT is exciting!?!?!

Hawk Speaks Louder: Day II

Either this Hawk is being bolder or is injured. Day two at the same late morning time, almost noon, I walked Atticus and Francklin down in the meadow to maintain my sanity and hopefully clear more of this sinus crud from my lymph system. Just in case, I carried Atticus’ ‘listen-to-me leash’. Just to relive the feelings I had yesterday when Hawk met us on the path, we followed the same walk. I was of course, hoping and not hoping to see our awesome guest. There was so much listening that I hadn’t done, just in case this was some providential visit. Yet I worried that if Hawk presented again, that it could mean that it was injured in someway?

As we came close to the same bend in the path, Atticus began his persistent bark of heralding! I had to look harder this time, for though its presence was powerful, it was well camouflaged among the meadow grasses. With raised and spread wings it took a bold stance in the tall grasses. It’s feathers glowed with the midday sun shining upon them. Fortunately, Atticus listened to my calls and I leashed him by my side. Francklin obediently followed.

Again I began to reassure Hawk that we wouldn’t hurt him. That I hoped there was no injury and that I was there to help and to listen and learn. “I want to hear what you are saying to me.” Being a mossy motormouth, it took great discipline just for me to stop talking to it. After some silence, I said we hoped all was okay and not injured, and then we continued our walk down to the creek. I hoped he had a way to get water. I made a plan to come back and check once I took the dogs back up to the house.

Of course after trudging back up the big hill, I was easily wiped out and needing to tend to coughs and care for myself. Later that afternoon, when Alex got home, I mustered enough energy to go down in the meadow one more time to see if the Hawk were still there. Alex and I both looked everywhere in the meadow. We brought a water bowl in case we came upon thirsty hawk. We walked through the tall grasses and the woods near the meadow clearing, under the tall tree with the nest endings and beginnings, but no Bold Beautiful Being this time at around 3:30 pm. Only footprints. No feathers.

Where had Hawk gone in only 3 1/2 hours? Why had the Hawk appeared at our pathway two days in a row, at almost the same time and place? But was nowhere later? My theories:

• hawk is staking territory for building this year’s home • hawk’s time of day for gathering sticks and nest-building materials . • hawk is injured and ‘grounded’ and midday is when it might be warmest in the meadow. •hawk is hunting lunch critters. • hawk has an early hatchling somewhere that is needing protection.

The strongest possibilities to me are the first three. Unless, this particular Hawk at this particular time in my life, on this particular path is purposely pronouncing something profoundly spiritual and important for me. I’m used to being in awe of hawks from here below as I watch them gracefully fly and circle the sky. But that perspective is limited to my awe of hawks, not benefitting from their wide vision and wide perspective. Mossy, if this is ‘it’ or mixed with some of the other ‘its’, what is this Spiritual Being saying to me?

So here flows what I’m hearing from this bold bird’s whispers: • take your stance • listen to your pain in your shoulders, your spine, your neck • your pain is telling you that you need to ready your wings to fly • being ready includes this moment in time when you take your stands and grow roots that will sustain you even in the sky • then you can rise above the details, the stuff in your life that is holding you down • as you heal your own wings and all spine and muscle that hold them, you will fly beyond the small wonders that you love. • your vision will widen to include all you need to see next • from this point you will see all points and your heart will know and show you your focus • as you fly you will also see more intense pain and suffering in the world. • to keep focusing and flying over and through all this will take discipline, for you must keep your own creative core strong. • this is when you will need a strong gathering of support and encouragement, including some that is bold and blunt. • take this support and fly with it, always knowing that you have your nest to catch you and renew you. • for you are always held in the air and on the ground by breath of Life itself! • stay aware and concerned for all of Life and also know that it is Held, as am I, the hawk.

I went back to the meadow on day three at the same time to see if the hawk was present on the ground. I didn’t see it but did see on the periphery as I headed that way, a hawk flying in the sky. Within no time, it crossed the meadow sky until she was flying overhead. It continued circling and reappearing as long as I was on that corner of the meadow. Why, I don’t know for sure. What I DO know is that my inner response hasn’t gone but has grown instead.

And oh how mysterious!

HawkWhispers: Day I

THIS awesome creature landed in front of us!

Yesterday morning Alex, Francklin, and Atticus and I took a morning walk. I was just trying to keep up and so awed to be outside hoping my lymph glands would drain, grateful to be with them and ALL. Suddenly we saw (and felt!) something enter our realm and plop down in front of us. A huge red-tailed hawk…appeared right in front of us on our walk! The dogs began their barking. Atticus, especially pounced around, it ready to play. Meanwhile Alex tried to manage the dogs and I began wondering ‘WHY’….was it trying to catch a field rat? was it protecting something from the dogs? was it injured? was there a premature baby bird somewhere around? It had perfectly timed its entrance right in front of us, as if it had SOME intention and purpose… now what was it?

Atticus and Francklin, greeting Mr? or Mrs? Hawk

After Alex and I got the dogs away, (fortunately Alex carries a leash in his pocket for Atticus), we both continued to FEEL the awesome wonder of this visitor on our walk, and to wonder what caused him to continue to stay around? Was he hurt? Alex got on his phone to reach out to Piedmont Animal Rescue and finally left a message at a Raptor Center number. Meanwhile, I continued exploring the ‘why’ ….

Beginnings of a Giant Nest

I remembered in years past there had regularly appeared a giant nest up high over the ‘old abandoned pond, turned bog.’ I looked up, and probably a 40 foot walking distance from us was what appeared to be the beginnings of this year’s giant nest. Was he or she just swooping down to find more sticks for the nest? or just protecting territory? Seemed too early in the year for babies to have arrived, and the nest didn’t look big enough yet….hmmm…so why had this magnificent creature timed its entrance into our lives with such precision?

Our Magnificent Lifeshock

Alex was now free to hold the dogs, and it was MY turn to quietly absorb what this powerful presence was trying to say by its lingering presence. I slowly moved towards him til I was about 8 feet away. Probably I could have felt feathers with my fingers, but saturating my soul was enough for me. I talked softly to him as he looked at me, telling him that he was okay, and that we wouldn’t let anything hurt him. Yet had I zoomed in on his or her huge talons, I would have realized that he or she probably didn’t need reassurance from me. I was experiencing a powerful being, primed and ready for anything that came his or her way! At the time, I didn’t realize how much more there was to ‘take in’ from this unannounced visitor that appeared in front of us.

After we settled back home with the dogs, Alex went back down in the meadow to make sure that the hawk truly wasn’t staying around from an injury. This magnificent bird which I was beginning to learn might have been a female, was gone. But not inside my spirit and psyche. There was still much to learn.

I began to read profusely about these birds, their habits, their size, their symbolism from ancient times to now. I learned that they are monogamous, and mate for life. The female is usually larger than the male. They usually are not social, but this time of year may appear closer to humans. They often come back to the same spot each year for nesting, and may build upon an old nest with sticks. This is the time of year that happens. The nests can grow in size to up to 3 feet tall and 2 or so feet wide. They mate and begin a brood often in March. There much more that I inhaled eagerly and stored in my brainsponge and soul. Here are a few prompts for my pondering the meaning of this beautiful bird’s bold appearance in our lives:

“When Hawk swoops into your life be ready for a whole new level of awareness developing in your mind and spirit. Hawk bears observation skills and broad perspectives on His wings. You could not ask for a better companion if you’ve been working on your overall insights….” from whatisyourspiritualanimal.com

Thank you, Hawk of our universe, for your visit to my vision and for awakening me to whatever is right in front of me! I gladly draw on your vision, your ability to see beyond any little pictures I’m micro focusing on. I’m ready to learn from you. What goosebumps of gratitude I already feel and I don’t really know why!! ACIU!

Magical Spaces Inside Trees

“An April Shower” Painted by Harriett M. Bennett from the book,
Old Father Time, edited by Robert Ellice Mack

This painting by Harriett M. Bennett has always been one of my favorites as I was growing up. I’m wondering if Harriett had as magical a childhood connection with trees as I did? There’s not much known about her that I can find, except that she was a very popular artist in England who painted in the late 1800’s and displayed her work at the Royal Academy from 1877 to 1892. She was born in Islington, England in 1852 and she was a daughter of an accountant.

Last time I posted, I shared a picture of me in a very similar hollow tree as this one! I was walking with my brother on the golf course at Roaring Gap, one of my magical childhood places to go visit Granny (my mother’s mother, Adele Pannill). She had a thatched cottage up there and I just LOVED going to visit in the summer! spending time with my cousins and my own brothers and sisters. On our golf course walk, it began to rain…a light mountain shower. Even if it hadn’t rained, I would have still HAD to get inside that hollow tree!

From real to imagined to real to imagined…how to express the ALL!

The imagination is a wondrous thing, whether we are children or adults with inner children embedded in our beings! I’m forever amazed at the mysteries of perception!  And of course as I write this, it’s from MY point of view!

I remember pondering this in my more studious stages in college: Once in a course called, Phenomenology and Religion of something like that. Another as I delved into it on my own in an Independent Study I created for myself at Duke, which I’ll name, A Child’s Perception of the Unseen, mysteries such as god, fairies, spirit, wind….especially dealing with a child ‘pre-lingual’ if there is such a time…for I’m convinced children are already learning language in utero.                                                                                                                              In the first course I mention, we journaled  a lot about our own perceptions and also looked at how others expressed theirs, using a benchmark book called, Visual Arts as Human Experience, by Donald L. Weismenn.

On a magical memory walk at Roaring Gap!

…He also wrote another book that fascinated me called Jelly was the Word. I remember being intrigued as I tried to ‘word’ what I perceived…”the shadows of trees on the wall…am I seeing the tree or the absence of the tree? is it the light or the dark that makes the form? does it come into my eye right-side-up or up-side-down?…and just the opposite in my brain? and if I were to draw it?…”  The questions rolled faster than my thoughts!

Now as I write…which came first…the Hillock settings and dwellings? and then my ideas? or the other way around? and in my head…first the words? or the images? from my mind? or from mine eyes?…

Each day as I walk our adventure dogs, we come to The Hillock and I’m compelled to stop…to listen, look, smell….to take in what I see…to look for mysteries to unfold, characters to come forth, clues to evoke my curious ponderings. And sometimes they come forth as easily as the slug who appeared under a rock, and responding to my unearthing his hiding place, he acts out his character in ‘rare form’ as he climbs the castle turret and extends his head and hence his whole body out in mid-air to stretch a ‘kiss?’ to the iron fairy guarding the stone wing of the one-winged bird. So from whence comes Slug, the character?… from the rock? from my mind? from the paintbrush? and what if I hadn’t months, no, years ago, plopped there the broken pieces of sand castles, the flat, moss-covered rocks, the lone iron fairy, and the piece of cedar that in some perceptual or primal order became over time, The One-Winged Bird? 

Is it my imagination that intervenes? Or is it the mysteries of the land having conversations with my imagination? Who/what shapes whom/what? The questions never stop!

Again, I’m called back into my mind to a time to my second studious situation, my independent study on ‘A Child’s Perception of the Unseen’…that’s what I’m calling it now. I think back in my college years, I had applied for my ‘independent study’ under the name I concocted: Christian Education and the Preschool Child. It was at a time on my spiritual journey when I could not STAND hearing even one more time the words: holy spirit, God, father, son, Jesus.   Even though my early years were precious and alive, and I was so authentically loved, I was an age where I needed to ‘strike out on my own’ and discover what ‘was true’ and what was really ME! I had grown up hearing these words since birth and needed to reject them and either create new ones or find their alive meanings ‘all by myself’!

I remember stumbling upon a book somewhere in the Duke Divinity School Library, where I spent hours trying to get ‘at the root truth of things…from Jesus and the Dead Sea Scrolls, to the roots of perception… It was there I came upon two words that I just LOVED…mostly because of the possibilities they brought forth in my mind: BLIKS and ONLOOKS…I must go find them again!…More on them another time!

Hopscotching

Been working on a hopscotch area for our grandkids out under the shade of an old oak tree by the house.

titlepageHopscotch1

The hopscotch from my Jingle Ring book is becoming more real! Here’s the Mock Up in the woods.

 

Lately my posts have been a little sketchy and sparse. Been spending a lot of time either napping through fatigue or out using my hands in ‘gross motor’ ways, since they can’t seem to do the fine things of painting right now. They work okay for sitting and crumbling dirt and sifting out roots and weeds, and working with the mosses, creating spaces for grandchildren to play. Not much driving for me, and I seem to drop      and break lots of things. That’s one way to thin out stuff.

It’s dawned on me that I MUST find a way to still post here…because books are in the making all the time and every day, thank goodness! The moss whispers a strong call for me to create! No matter how much pain or fatigue! So I’m hopscotching along with posting here and there!

Briefly I’ve come inside for a cool drink and to rest. I need to decide what configuration is best for the hopscotch blocks…though the great thing is that I can move them around. For a start, I want to create a safe, flat, place for toddlers to have fun stepping, hopping, and playing. Later, if they want they can get into the more complicated ones or make their own if they choose. This is just a starter.

I recall one of my favorite books for this when I was teaching:Hopscotch@W

 

Maybe someday they’ll be interested in this, but for now out here in the country, we’ll start with a small wooded hopscotch area made with cement stepping stones. We’ll need to save the chalk for city sidewalks or somewhere else for now.

I think I’ll go for ten blocks and the easiest hopping scenario which is probably alternating one block and then two.

How do YOU remember your hopscotch as a child? PLEASE send me your pics and comments.

I’ll also post later when it’s all finished. Must give fingers a typing break for now and go do some more ‘gross motor’.

Francklin at the Hillock

Francklin is really the muse that makes moments come alive down at The Hillock.  Or at least he’s the ‘prime noticer,’ the one of bigger consciousness in the process. Nothing is out of his reach nor does it sneak by undetected. Having already defied the 4-legged rule for dogs by being a Terrific Tri-paw, here he is moving on up to a Two-paw stance to observe his lizard friend by the PondHole.

Francklin on 2 legs!

Meanwhile, I’m working away at pulling the weeds and working through the wild happenings of my life to sit long enough to listen to Francklin and the Mosswhispers trying to speak to me of what to write next. I miss my painting and work on my books. Writing has continued but not in post mode lately. For now, I’m readying for my next big posting period and forgiving myself for my lapses. All the while grateful for each precious Mossy Moment with my grand-children, grown-children, and great-parents and Alex. Grateful for spring and trying to learn to accept or at least deal with these ticks in our meadow. Gotta love the whole journey! all that’s in it!

Celebrate the Silence of the Snowflake

Snow Pitcher

On the mantel is my favorite pitcher. On it is written, “Celebrate the Silence of the Snowflake.” I found it at a thrift store, and a special friend and I share it back and forth. It happened to be here for this snow. I wondered if the words written on it were some famous quote. Sofar, I haven’t found the source. Yet, it is part of the snow celebration! For the snow muffles the sounds of school buses, the sounds of cars, and footsteps as we usually know them. With its silence it brings a brand new world of awe. Stay warm, everyone! And sleep tight!

Quiet scrunches of the feet.

A blanket of white tucks the world in tight.

Wrinkles of mud and crackles of leaves,

Hidden and smoothed from sight and sound.

Earthworms deep beneath the ground

Huddle round each other in a survival hug.

Light and shadows play their games

To celebrate the silence the snowflake brings.

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