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Raw MossWhispers!

MossWhispers'14Mosswhispers called louder on this new day of the new year! ….
November came and I made some sort of decision. I’m not going to write or paint anything new until I ‘finish’ what I started. My brain convinced me, even against all the wise whispers I was hearing, that I needed to finish something completely and not keep rambling and writing on. So I stopped. I stopped to make workshops happen, though I refused to do the marketing that was needed to draw in more people, because i needed to prepare for the workshops.
I stopped. I stopped to focus on getting my first two books into ready form for printing hardbacks. I researched a zillion ways to self-publish. I checked a variety of different ways to make giclee prints of my paintings, and professional images for book publishing.
And at each point I stopped. I wanted more advice. I wanted assurance that the choices  I was making would work. And then I gave up. Time was running out. I needed to delve into living and loving. Time to get ready for family for Thanksgiving….then recuperate…then get ready for family for Christmas…move furniture, sort through things to give away, clean out drawers, and bins, and move beds, pianos, and cupboards, sell sofas, empty rooms, paint the fireplace bricks! Meanwhile, sort pills for my chronic lyme, fill prescriptions, fix cars, visit my parents, Alex’s parents, grandbabies,…

Time is and was full! Life is and was full! Being with as much family as I could filled me with great joy and gratitude. That stays with me even as the moments are over. I could write about the special times…and keep writing…and yet what I’m wanting to get to is NOW.
Now…today, January 1, 2014.
And even to write about NOW, I need to paint some of the background:

Something began going through my body 3 days ago…great pains, stiffness in my neck and spine like I’ve never felt before. My whole brain stem and spine seemed swollen and screaming out! Something needed to be let go! Something needed to move on out of me! And the moving felt very stubborn, old and not so willing to go. The pain persistently unpleasant. The struggle significantly sifting throughout my body. Fever, joint pain, cramps, sharp pains, dull pains…all needing to have its say before it would go!

As this pain was persisting, I could feel something else at work within me…something that wanted to line things up in a purposeful, positive, proactive way. For as my body was frozen with pain, and heat was weaving in waves trying to find a way out as beads of sweat on my forehead and sore tingling through the hair follicles on my head…breath was still moving in and out of me,  a healing hand would touch to tenderize the pain, and my thoughts came clear even through dull aches in my face and forehead.
I began to see things that needed to be addressed and I was amazed to watch myself tackle them…creatively dealing with finances, asking for advice and help from those sharper and more creative than I, still washing clothes, sorting through boxes, making phone calls. I noticed I began to think more long term than before and articulate issues for us to focus on to create our lives as we want them. I won’t settle for staying stuck, nor will I allow wallowing in mud. Deafening our lifesongs with depressive broken records will not serve usI Time for more spontaneous connection with people that matter to me. Oh, that I will continue connecting!

So now…is the pain gone? No, not gone…but it’s just being in its place. It’s gotten my attention. I’m moving now, and I’m fine to let it move on out when it’s ready. Healing is happening…on all levels so I know my body will heal as well. Life does that on all fronts I’ve come to realize.

So…out goes the old, the part that doesn’t need to be anymore, and in comes the new, the unknown, the next adventure. And it won’t all be shiny either. New pains may replace some old ones…but they too will move on…just as the precious moments that i love so!
Are all things finished? Is the pain gone? Do I know what are the best choices to make? Do I know where I’m going? Not really.
What’s clear to me is that life still is as it is, and that it probably won’t be as it was, and I don’t need to stop living to finish anything…I can trust more in the process.

And I don’t even have to write, do, say, or be anything profound!
A whisper will do…loud or soft! and THAT is PROFOUNDLY ENOUGH!

Sometimes Life Gets SO Full!

I’ve been working on so many writings, uploading so many photos, and researching SO many things, that my computer desktop was spilling over the edges, similar to grandson, Oliver’s, little car. I took a few days break to be with him and his family and our newest grand baby Andrea! What a treat! And how FULL life can be!

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My desktop was so full that even Slab the slug could move faster than my computer! Hopefully now I can get back to writing and painting! Thanks, Oliver, for reminding me that even computers have a limit to what they can hold! But my heart doesn’t have any limits to how much Love it can hold for you and Andrea!

MossTender Busy in the Fall!

The Hillock is UNDENIABLE in the Fall! As everything around it begins to fade or turn brown, the Mossy Hillock THRIVES and brings forth an array of every everGREEN moss possible. As the MossTender, I work ‘overtime’ to sweep away the crinkly crunchy leaves as they fall, for moss needs air, moisture, and light to thrive. A layer of leaves would keep it moist for awhile, but would smother the tiny sporophytes and gametophytes, making it hard for mosses to spread by dispersing spores. Also, since they get their nutrients from the air, they would be a little starved, not to mention no light to make chlorophyl!

TheHillock10:14:13

I’m a little limited as to how I can clear off the leaves since Francklin, my 3-legged wonder dog, has an unfortunate history (my fault!) with rakes. When he was just a tiny 3-legged puppy, I would try to get something done while I was outside with him, so I raked paths in the woods. Francklin constantly wanted to play, and very early on decided the rake was his playmate! He would crouch like a kitty and POUNCE on the rake when it got close enough. Hence, the rake attacker game came to be! For me to accomplish any raking, I had to rake really fast and sort of narrate as I raked. I guess it was like playing with a 2 year old! Well, now, I’m paying the price. If I were to bring a rake with me to The Hillock, Francklin would WIN and go off with the rake. That’s what happens when puppies become big dogs! So I’m reduced to using my hands and a small stick! I’ll have to say, though, that it’s really the best way to be a MossTender. I’m much more connected to the earth, the moss is less disturbed, and sofar, no snakes or spiders have intervened in the process.

Another thing I notice about The Hillock is that it’s no longer just a hillock, with knolls, emerging magical dwellings forming a community, and beautiful pebblestone streets. It’s NOW a truly MOSSY Hillock! The small clumps of moss on the north side of trees have now spread and the WHOLE Hillock is mostly covered with moss! It’s so amazing! Moss is even growing between the pebbles on the pebblestone street! I don’t know if I could ever move away from this land because of this special place….hmmm…maybe we could someday way down the road sell the house and keep the studio and the hillock?

The Hillocks 4:30:13

What I DO know is that NOW is the time to have Teas at the Hillock,  bring children to the Hillock, invite school classrooms on field trips. I need and want to SHARE it! So soon I will send out fliers or invitations! It’s where stories grow for my books and images grow in my mind. It’s where I go to create, re create, meditate, and just BE. It’s a place for Aha’s and Amen’s and Aciu!

Stepping in the Shoes of a Child

Such precious feet fit into these little shoes! Oliver loves to put them on and off over and over again. He walks with his left hand held up in a tiny fist and his right arm swinging to his step. And when he gets excited he shoots both arms up in the air like he’s walking fast over a speed bump. If he stumbles, which is pretty rare, he picks himself up and brushes his hands together to ‘brush it all off.’ Every step is passionate and important and carries us all on new adventures. A time of so many ‘firsts’ in his life! And to top it all off, there’s a smile and from time to time, a serious/studying look that accompanies each step on his life of adventure! It’s been so fun to walk alongside him and his family this weekend!

Oliver's ShoesOliverSlide OliverBiking

The Last and the First!

I need to stop and share the endings and beginnings in the meadow. Even Martha Julia Agnes Adele would stop to look at these marvels in the meadow! I look forward to this time of year to see my last favorite wildflower of the blooming season in the meadow and here she is in all her glory! In the morning  dew she looks like diamond pearls!

MyLastFavoriteWildFlowerLastWildflower2And as these beauties are bringing in the last blooms of the season, this little red maple is the first to turn down at The Hillock to usher in the colors of fall! Francklin and I love them ALL!

First Red Maple

Shh…moss whispering!

Down at the bottom of the meadow past The Hillock at the edge of the treeline, is one of my favorite places to go! It’s my ‘wannabe moss farm’ where the moss whispers and where the moss tender listens with an eager ear. I love to be near it and listen as well. The light show that accompanies the whole symphony of sounds is equally as compelling to the eye. The palate of colors changes in an instant as the light dances on the cushy floor. And I get to marvel at it all! I love to close my eyes and feel the different textures! The Hillock is also covered with mosses, but somehow, this moss seems to speak the loudest to me! The best kept secret of the meadow! Shhh…listen! and enjoy!

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Listening to the Mosswhispers: Root Faces

RootFaces RootFace3 Rootfaces2As I debrief from working with the Twigs at Twilight and let them sit on their branches for a rest, I’m back to walking the meadow, living my life as it goes, and listening to the MossWhispers that come my way. Part of my listening comes through my eyes as well. On my way up from the Hillocks (for there are many in the meadow), I usually make my final winded steps over the roots of a large oak tree near our house. As on many tree trunks, wooden floors, and just about any rough surface, I see faces…and each face immediately shares part of its story. Most of these stories roll around in my own head, and perhaps sift through my own facial expressions. Here are just a few. 

A True Moss Whisper

MossydeerYesterday evening when I was walking our dogs down at the creek, I sensed a ‘whisper’ in the mossy area that I call ‘my moss farm’. I glance back and there curled on the ground was the tiniest fawn I’d ever seen. This time of year I’ve often come across a tiny fawn curled at the roots of a tree on the edge of the meadow, but NEVER have I seen one so so small. She was perfectly still as fawn are supposed to be when they are discovered. Many hours later, Alex discovered that she was still there and looked not just still, but lifeless. It was beginning to get dark and she was ‘parked
‘ right on what I would map out as the night time coyote trail. Even though we knew that wild animals should be left for their mothers, I was convinced that this little one wouldn’t make it and if left there, would be ‘thrown to its predators’. My maternal instincts wouldn’t let me walk away when ‘the dark was coming’ as our firstborn used to call the beginning of nighttime.

Fastforwarding to today, after sleeping with a hot water bottle in our laundry tub, I began feeding her a bottle of ‘deer colostrum’ from a baby bottle. After a few swigs, she was up and wobbling, eager to get out of the little green tub. Not wanting to restrain her, I watched as she climbed out and all four legs slid sideways out from under her. Little Mossy, as I began to call her was then ready to go after the bottle again. I took her out to our covered pen in the woods where we used to keep our giant lop, Potato. She guzzled the rest of her bottle, almost climbed in my lap, ending up curling in her sweet little ball on the ground.

Little did I know that I was already quickly bonding with this little creature, and after checking with neighbors and studying more about fawn raising, I was content with devoted next days toward nurturing Little Mossy until she was able to eat grass and fend on her own, and then do what our neighbors had done, gradually introducing her back into her wildlife setting, and then getting adopted by the herd of deer that shares our two yards and gardens! I was content with a new ‘babe’ to nurture, until…until Alex came home with the resolute ‘right thing to do’. He, too, had researched and talked with wild animal savvy people, and strongly suggested we take it back down in the meadow, not feed it so that it would make sounds looking for it’s mother, and let it go.

I wasn’t ‘easy’ to bring around, not without flailing my own dear legs and ‘emoting’ a bit. I cleaned up a whole area by the studio just to vent my frustration and to exercise my ‘NO’ for a bit before I came around to marching down into the meadow sadly to let her go.

I sat at the Fairie Hillock for a good while to ‘cry out’ my ‘no-ness’ and to get to the ‘yes’ of it all…Yes, what awesome moments of nature we’d experienced. Yes… what sweetness and beautiful creatureliness. Yes…how quickly this little fawn connected with us. Yes…how hard to let go of such tenderness, such precious life. Yes…it belongs to all of Nature. Yes…so do I…

And here’s ‘the moss whisper’ for me… I felt joy so briefly…joy that felt like ‘a first love’ when I fed this little wood nymph from a bottle. And in letting go, the sadness came just as quickly as the joy left! But the moment, in the moment…lasts forever! And the moment when I try to become its owner, turns to sadness when I expect the joy to last forever….so now, now I’m grateful for the whisper…and this moment of rain on the tin roof…